Saturday, July 23, 2005

UMAT!!!! Stress!!! Anxiety!!! AHHH!!!

Ok....breathe in....breathe out...

It's in 4 days...and i've got tonnes of umat stuff to do...

Section 1 (Verbal reasoning) is like superhard english!!! oh gosh...need alot alot alot of work & luck!!!

Nothing's happening lately, coz i've been so busy (coz of the above... >.<). Only the other day I had a big argument with someone.

She's really annoying, until I cannot tahan and I just told her that's she's annoying and she said I was mean. If I didn't accuse her of that she wouldn't stop pestering me. Now she thinks everything I say is offending.

It all started few weeks ago. I was depressed so I wanted to be left alone, but she kept on asking me to go out to celebrate (she passed chem). So I said no coz I didn't feel like it but she go on and on, keep asking me why why why. You guys know I don't tell my problems much right...I just asked her to leave me alone but she kept on asking questions.

So, I just said that I'm not satisfied with my results. Then she said it was very good and I had no reason to be sad. It was obvious she didn't understand so I just didn't go on, but she wouldn't stop there. So I just told her that although my results were good, it wasn't good enough.

She didn't stop there either. She just didn't understand that and she said that I don't have to be perfect. Then she gave more speech. A few of her stuff make sense but most of them were stuff which I already know and that did not help or have nothing to do with my situation. Long story short, we were not on the same wavelength, but she insisted that she knew everything and how I felt, constantly comparing me with her brothers. She brushed off almost every reason I give or just didn't bothered to understand what I said; I said something, she either says I'm wrong or she just ignore that and say something else. That got me really angry and annoyed.

However, that wasn't the most annoying part. There was one part where she asked what is the real problem. I just said I'm just not liking my life and why was a secret. Guess what? She didn't care that it was a secret or not, she just kept on asking what was it. Then she said one of the most terrible thing - "I just want to know your secrets, come on. I can tell you my secrets as well." Well my secrets are not for trading! Geez...

So our short chat became a long argument and she wouldn't let me go offline. So for the last 2 hours of our 6 hours conversation & argument, I kept on saying that I need to go and she kept give unwanted advice. At the end of the sixth hour, she just said she don't care anymore.

After I went offline, her sms came - "I'm not trying to annoy just wanted to help. Don't have to be mean to me." Right after she said she will not bother anymore. I didn't reply at first. After another 2 sms i went back online and just told her to give it up and that I did not ask for her help or advice in the first place...

So do you think she stopped?

Friday, July 01, 2005

life sux

What do you do when you finally confront a reality? What do you do when you can't ignore a fault in your life anymore? Do you give up? It is not an option. But do you give it your best, when you know what you did was already your best? Is it then better to give up and just accept the fact that that is all you are ever going to get rather then carrying on with false hopes that you will be better?

Everything I did in my life are always mediocre. Only OK in education, sports, even stuff like talking and making friends! Everything, you name it.

See the piano picture on the right? It is not to show that I am an excellent piano player. It is a symbol of one of my many failures. I tried really hard and practised quite alot and up till now, I can't even play very well. I did not give up then, i continued and practised but that is all I can do!

Everytime people tell me, "try harder"," have confidence", but that is all I can do and will ever get.

You may tell me that there are always people who are better than you. So? They have nothing to do with your life and your well being.

Well, of course some people wants something you have. Unfortunately it is still very sad when you don't have somethings or you cannot get the things you want.

All I'm asking is to get the one thing I want. Just one. I'm sure u guys know. Is that too much that I'm asking for?

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