This is my very first blog.
Recently I was pretty upset and really angry with myself and everything around me.
I got my English summary test results back on Monday. A low 55% out of 100%. Thankfully, it was only 10% of final English marks. But wth? It was way below average of 67.5% and some of my friends can only say "it's only a little below average, at least you didn't fail."
But it doesn't work like that anymore. It doesn't matter if many others get really low marks. There is no ranking system with 1st place in class, 2nd, 3rd, etc. It is your marks and your marks alone that will or will not get you to where you want in higher education.
And some other people can be so inconsiderate. They know I onlg got that much and they went on complaining that their marks were shitty (3 of them, they were 80% 85% & 75%), and they kept putting on that sad face. I kept smiling pretending everything was alright but that doesn't mean they should go and do that. Is it the culture here? Everyone seems to be honest and open, but too honest and open, and they have this "I don'd give a damn what everyone else thinks" attitude which, imo, has made them insensitive and inconsiderate. Has it always been like that? Never noticed in Oz since Trinity no Aussies...
and 55% is another blow to me. It might not be much to you, but just when I thought I'm finally handling it, it struck me down. I've taking blows after blows after blows for almost a year now. First was Trinity Sem 1 results, then UMAT, then lit, then Sem 2 results, then no reply from Unis, then now English. I'm trying as hard as I can now. I've been sleeping 1 or 2am everyday (except weekends) for almost 2 weeks now. I'm not giving up just yet but I'm not sure if I can take it anymore.
well, I could try other stuff, but really, I really like anything else. I might find something I like in the future but right now there is nothing else. I'm sure there are more people out there sharing the same feelings as me. Then I hear that person at the Valedictory saying: "When one door closes, another door opens." Remember that? But it is easier said then done. It is not easy to just let go and take whatever that you get even if you don't like it. It's like the door bright room closes and the grim & dim room opens. Maybe the dark room can be lightened up but right now, I don't have the fuel or desire to do so.
I know at least few people who thought like me, only abit too extreme. "My future will be ruined forever and I will die" some of them will think. In a way it's true, you will have to re-define your life, change your future completely or to a certain extend, etc. At least that's what I think I will do if I don't get it this time...
But not giving up right now.
Well, back to what I was going to say originally, this blog might be pretty nasty at times, depending on my mood. I will probably be sad most of the time though, exams in 6 weeks can't help it. That's why I chose this dark skin, but it doesn't look too sad i think.
I will use it to vent my anger a little and update my life as well. Maybe it will help me calm down?
Can't type too much now (right, that's alot already)...1 test coming up...wish me luck.
Oh ya...isn't the Piano pic cool? That's the only thing that's mine...lolz
Expect more anger & hatred...
