UMAT!!!! Stress!!! Anxiety!!! AHHH!!!

Ok....breathe in....breathe out...

It's in 4 days...and i've got tonnes of umat stuff to do...

Section 1 (Verbal reasoning) is like superhard english!!! oh gosh...need alot alot alot of work & luck!!!

Nothing's happening lately, coz i've been so busy (coz of the above... >.<). Only the other day I had a big argument with someone.

She's really annoying, until I cannot tahan and I just told her that's she's annoying and she said I was mean. If I didn't accuse her of that she wouldn't stop pestering me. Now she thinks everything I say is offending.

It all started few weeks ago. I was depressed so I wanted to be left alone, but she kept on asking me to go out to celebrate (she passed chem). So I said no coz I didn't feel like it but she go on and on, keep asking me why why why. You guys know I don't tell my problems much right...I just asked her to leave me alone but she kept on asking questions.

So, I just said that I'm not satisfied with my results. Then she said it was very good and I had no reason to be sad. It was obvious she didn't understand so I just didn't go on, but she wouldn't stop there. So I just told her that although my results were good, it wasn't good enough.

She didn't stop there either. She just didn't understand that and she said that I don't have to be perfect. Then she gave more speech. A few of her stuff make sense but most of them were stuff which I already know and that did not help or have nothing to do with my situation. Long story short, we were not on the same wavelength, but she insisted that she knew everything and how I felt, constantly comparing me with her brothers. She brushed off almost every reason I give or just didn't bothered to understand what I said; I said something, she either says I'm wrong or she just ignore that and say something else. That got me really angry and annoyed.

However, that wasn't the most annoying part. There was one part where she asked what is the real problem. I just said I'm just not liking my life and why was a secret. Guess what? She didn't care that it was a secret or not, she just kept on asking what was it. Then she said one of the most terrible thing - "I just want to know your secrets, come on. I can tell you my secrets as well." Well my secrets are not for trading! Geez...

So our short chat became a long argument and she wouldn't let me go offline. So for the last 2 hours of our 6 hours conversation & argument, I kept on saying that I need to go and she kept give unwanted advice. At the end of the sixth hour, she just said she don't care anymore.

After I went offline, her sms came - "I'm not trying to annoy just wanted to help. Don't have to be mean to me." Right after she said she will not bother anymore. I didn't reply at first. After another 2 sms i went back online and just told her to give it up and that I did not ask for her help or advice in the first place...

So do you think she stopped?

life sux

What do you do when you finally confront a reality? What do you do when you can't ignore a fault in your life anymore? Do you give up? It is not an option. But do you give it your best, when you know what you did was already your best? Is it then better to give up and just accept the fact that that is all you are ever going to get rather then carrying on with false hopes that you will be better?

Everything I did in my life are always mediocre. Only OK in education, sports, even stuff like talking and making friends! Everything, you name it.

See the piano picture on the right? It is not to show that I am an excellent piano player. It is a symbol of one of my many failures. I tried really hard and practised quite alot and up till now, I can't even play very well. I did not give up then, i continued and practised but that is all I can do!

Everytime people tell me, "try harder"," have confidence", but that is all I can do and will ever get.

You may tell me that there are always people who are better than you. So? They have nothing to do with your life and your well being.

Well, of course some people wants something you have. Unfortunately it is still very sad when you don't have somethings or you cannot get the things you want.

All I'm asking is to get the one thing I want. Just one. I'm sure u guys know. Is that too much that I'm asking for?

Someday (I Will Understand)...

I'm back! I never really had time to update since exams over. You know, go out, hibernate all day, etc etc.

Anyway, these few days, I have strangers coming up to me and talk to me. The other day, I was not feeling well, then there was this person offering to help me to get a cab back. Then the day before yesterday, there was a group of 3 people just asked me how was my day out of the blue. Today, somebody actually stop while I was waiting for a bus and offered to give me a ride (which I took coz she seemed to nice for me to say no). It's so cool if everyone was that kind but it's abit weird...

Anyway, I'm gonna go out soon so update later.

Exams soon...

I won't be updating from now on until the end of next week.

Wait.

Rephrase.

Hopefully, I can restrain myself from logging in and spend precious time for 14 days.

Wish me luck.

Star Wars ROCKS!

So many Jedi duels, Yoda trying to absorb Palpatine's Force Lightning, Obi-Wan vs General Grievious (spelling?). Sooo coooool, but I didn't know Palpatine who is sooo old can jump here and there, how old is he? like 60? omg,he should be having back pains!!! Force Lightning is ok, but lightsabre duels??? phew. Absolutely loved those duels.

Now why weren't the duels from Jedi games that good? As far as I can remember, the duel between Anakin/Vadar and Obi-Wan (in Episode IV) and Luke (in Episode VI) wasn't that amazing either. They were like practising Kendo. Well, technology wasn't that good then but still, but Lucus could have done something about it...

Anyway, before I went for the movie, I found a book in a bookstore, "The Oracle Book". Quite interesting. It was simple, hold the book in your hands and think of a yes/no question. Then run ur finger or thumb across the edges. Stop when you feel it then open.

So obviously my first question was will I get into medicine or not. It said "Tarot: Death Card." No, I'm not dying, lolz. Then they go on and explain that it is not out of reach (can't rmb the exact beautiful meaning). Oh, so happy. Then i asked another question that came into my mind. I asked whether I will be rich or not (who doesn't?). "You'll will have it but it will be in MODERATION." Oh! *sob* hahahahahahahahah! Nevermind, the Tarot Card was enough.

My friend tried also, she was thinking whether she should go back to Palmerston North (near Wellington) to study vet instead. The book said it will be a big risk but success can be achieved. Quite weird huh? The book really answers the questions.

Gave me hope that book. I wonder will it be true. Oh well...

gone...just like that...

I got 35 out of 50 for my epidemiology...and that is 23.33 out of 33.33%.

It's the first ever exam for the very first year of that course and already it is worth 1/3 of the final marks. 1/3!!!

The tutors told us that they sat the same exam before us coz to see whether we have enough time or not (45 mins for a 12 pages, all medium-length answers) and they said the time was JUST enough.

Obviously it's just enough for them! They have been at it for ages!

And guess what their response was.

"We expected many people to fail so this is actually better than we thought."

Weird...so they do actually want us to fail... >.<

Then my friend ask me what I got, I told him, and this was what he said through msn: "><~<~ soooo pro" Then he put the crying emotion. Then he said: "I got slightly higher >.<"..."38"

So I'm pro huh? I wonder what does he mean by that...was he expecting me to fail? or was he thinking that I cannot possibly do well? Probably being paranoid again but that obviously shows he don't give a damn about what other people get. Then again, there could be something I don't know.

He's a really funny person though. Not funny as in jokes and stuff but he gets really upset when he doesn't get full marks. When our chem results return, he was like really sad and kept on complaining, "my perfect mark...no...so shitty"(he only lost 2% btw). Apparently he doesn't go to any single lecture. 2 weeks ago he came to the english lecture and he said that was his first lecture of the year! and he expects to get full marks. Weird but funny.

Anyway, I heard that few people last year got 70% average but still got accepted. That gave me a little hope...but i think their UMAT and interview was really really good. Think I need to work harder.

again and again...

I damn sad right now. I finished my explanatory speech on wednesday night. I remember getting too nervous and everything was in a mess. My slide, my speech, etc. Then I got lost a couple of times (and that bad!)

You know what? Never look at the examiners. Everytime I looked at them, they AVOID making eye contact. They will quickly look down on their sheets, and I was thinking: "Hey, pay attention, I'm making an important point right now!" I know I'm being paranoid but you tend to think they are writting some bad comments down, and that's why I got so messed up.

At least I was on time. I could have just lost 10% for being few seconds too long, 5% for not being between 6 to 8 minutes, 5% for being over 8 minutes. Weird marking system...it means no matter what you get 10% off. Dope.

Then I got really upset thinking about it. I got alot of help. I practised alot and I managed to go through it well but when I stand up there I just black-out from time to time. Then it just reminded me of all the English stuff, how no matter what I write I will always be wrong or only mediocre. It has always been like that. It's just something that I know I can never excel in, and it's killing me. I think it's because there are no definite ways to write but they want us to write it in one way. I mean, how are you supposed to write an essay without ever using a PASSIVE sentence? Maybe there are ways but they won't always apply.

English's bad, Mandarin's bad, Malay's even worse. And I can't do anything about it.

That's why I always prefered science. There's always a reason for something and you can use that reason in every way. When you choose the correct answer nobody can argue with you, unlike languages where if the teacher doesn't agree they can mark you wrong and you can't argue with them coz they are always right. Science is so much simpler.

I decided to just write whatever way I was taught in and I just hope it is just enough to get me into med. But do you think it is wise to do so?